Modern Epidemic: Maternal Detachment

This isn't an issue of preference, it's an inversion of nature & the consequences are dire

There’s something very disturbing happening in the parenting world in 2024. Something that just feels wrong when you see it or experience it but it’s a real awkward situation to intervene in…

Now, this problem didn’t begin in 2024, but it sure is becoming a more obvious problem.

The problem: maternal detachment.

Maternal detachment is when the mother doesn’t have a healthy attachment to her child…and this seems to be the norm in 2024 America.

You likely see these disjointed relationships in action on a daily basis.

• Career moms dropping off their 6-week-old babies to daycare facilities.

• Your sister-in-law complaining that cry-it-out sucks, but it’s necessary.

• Replacing the on-demand maternal ecosystem with contraptions like: the ‘snoo’, medication, bottles + formula, pacifiers, weighted blankets, nannies, etc.

The attachment between mother and child is supposed to be extremely close. We’re talking about a fresh, new human that JUST grew for 9+ months IN YOUR BODY and is now making the clumsy effort to adapt outside of the womb. So many women in our society see their physical separation (birth) as an opportunity to completely detach from their babies.

What sense does it make for a vulnerable, defenseless infant to completely detach from their home (mom)? The physiology of women includes the symbiosis between her and her offspring. Why are so many women opting to say ‘fuck you’ to nature and Creator’s design and instead opt for a manufactured, disconnected, compartmentalized, hypermasculine version of motherhood?

Motherhood can be challenging and I recognize that this is many women’s way of trying to remedy the many life changes that come along with motherhood.

But, the sign of all signs is that this maternal detachment doesn’t fix the issues that the mother is experiencing…in fact, it makes them worse.

Things usually don’t go well when you go against nature.

Our Society Wants to Control Nature, Not Surrender to It

I think the biggest factor in why mothers engage in voluntary maternal detachment is due to our society’s obsession with control, management and predictable outcomes. American society is VERY uncomfortable with:

• letting things unravel

• letting things play out

• being a witness to something instead of a person affecting the outcome

• waiting to see

• heeding intuition/instincts

• leaving room for pivoting when plans don’t work out

• going with the flow

• trusting nature

• giving things time

• LETTING GO

We just can’t let things be. We can’t set out egos aside to be receptive to a wisdom that isn’t our own, a wisdom that is beyond our capabilities, a wisdom that was here long before us & will be here long after we’re gone.

There seems to be a certain pride in embracing the masculine qualities of initiating, dominating, wielding, competing, advancing, striving, producing, etc.

All the glory goes to making what you want to happen, happen.

And this is the real attack on women—the very degradation of everything truly female & feminine.

These feminine qualities are minimized, pushed aside and devalued: receptivity, flexibility, relatability, nurturing, empathy, instincts, adaptability, groundedness, creativity and cooperation.

We know this because we were put through the education system and made to think that performing as a male would offer us the riches of all feminism fought for: respect, money, power and equality.

So…

We strived for academic excellence and were forced to go to school while bleeding & wanting space.

We competed with our peers to get the best part in the play when all we really wanted was for everyone involved to have a good experience, no matter how it shook out.

We toughened up when we collided with girls on the soccer field, when we wanted to cry and give her a hug.

We got an after school job for the resume when we just wanted to be home, making a meal, being blissfully comfortable in our own spaces and

We went after that law degree instead of studying art history.

We were told that we were lazy for wanting to rest (God forbid it go against the schedule!)

We were told to focus on school work instead of our friend’s problems—wanting to be there for them, express empathy and help them resolve interpersonal issues—but this desire to nurture was minimized and deemed a ‘distraction’.

We were ignored when we tuned in to our instincts.

Make no mistake, the system pumped out exactly what it had intended to…worker bees who all compete against each other in the marketplace for money, power and recognition…leaving the homes empty and devoid of a matriarch.

We were actively taught how to be more like males and deprogrammed from our natural femaleness.

And now that women are out in society ‘doing as they’re told’, we have a society empty of mothering.

Mothers are truly becoming a dying breed because mothering has become a lost art.

We were told that we were lucky because feminism made it so that we could be anything we wanted but the truth is, modern feminism made it so that we could do whatever we wanted as long as we contorted ourselves to perform in a weird mimicry of males, up against males.

(Man, doesn’t this make it awkward when you then have to go find a male to mate with!)

I’m not even saying all women want the same *exact* things. But we ARE all women…and we’re so much more alike than different. Our basic, internal desires to nest, nurture and collaborate are simply indicative of female biological design! It’s not a bad thing, it just IS.

And when we can accept what is, instead of trying to manipulate it to work the way that we want it to, shit gets wonky. You simply CANNOT outsmart nature aka God’s prescription for us. If we just pay attention, there are signs everywhere that lead us to health and happiness…and it’s called surrendering to the nature of things.

A Society That Ignores & Devalues the Nature of Females = A Sick Society

Nowadays, it’s normal for a woman to prioritize her career over childrearing, as 66% of moms with kids under age 6 are working instead of staying home. Moms with kids older than 6 go back to work 74% of the time.

We are in the minority but I doubt I have to tell you that, I’m sure you’ve experienced the effects of this statistic in real time. (Most of your friends went back to work, your mom and aunties work, mom friends are in low supply just because we’re spread out across the country).

And you can’t forget about how many times you’ve been asked when you’re going to back to work.

So, all of this leads me to the focus of this essay: maternal detachment.

What is happening w/ all of these kids whose moms go back to work fulltime?

They are experiencing the heart-breaking symptoms of maternal detachment (which ends up affecting the rest of society)…

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1. Stay tuned for part 2 upcoming: When a Child is Forced to Detach From his/her Home (mother)

2. This is my most popular post and thus, most controversial one it seems. I got a lot of negative backlash for my cultural observations. I wrote a response to all the people who were pissed about this article, you can read it next:

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